'Girls' Star Zosia Mamet Opens Up About Battle WIth Eating Disorder- Actress Says She 'Was Waiting To Die'

Zosia Mamet stars as the very energetic, fast talking Shoshanna on HBO's Girls, but today, the actress steps out from behind the shadow of her character and opens up about her very personal battle with an eating disorder.

In the September issue of Glamour magazine, Zosia reveals the intense struggles that she has dealt with over the year in regard to her body image as well as her self-confidence.

"I was told I was fat for the first time when I was eight," the starlet writes in her personal essay for the magazine. "I'm not fat; I've never been fat. But ever since then, there has been a monster in my brain that tells me I am."

She further opens up about this monster saying, "At times it has forced me to starve myself, to run extra miles, to abuse my body. As a teenager I used to stand in front of the refrigerator late at night [deciding] whether to give in to the pitted hunger in my stomach or close the door and go back to bed."

"I would stand there for hours, opening and closing the door," she continues. "Taking out a piece of food then putting it back in; taking it out, putting it in my mouth, and then spitting it into the garbage. I was only 17, living in misery, waiting to die."

Unlike many eating disorder stories, Zosia's has a happy ending, as her father forced her to seek treatment for her illness.

"He came home one night, took me by the shoulder, and said, "You're not allowed to die.' It was the first time I realized this wasn't all about me."

However, despite getting help for her illness, Mamet says that the disorder is something she knows is still with her today.

"Today I'm at a healthy weight, though I realize that my obsession will always be with me in some way. For years the voice inside me has gotten louder or quieter at times. It may never disappear completely, but hopefully one day it'll be so quiet, it'll only be a whisper."

For the complete essay pick up the September issue of Glamour on newsstands now