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In Last Laugh, MStars News talks to our favorite comedians or funny people about some of the last experiences they've had over the years. For this installment, we welcome in comedian Nick Vatterott.
It's possible that comedian Nick Vatterott has one of the most original stand up acts around. Watch his appearances on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and CONAN and you'll understand what we mean. Of course, you could always listen to his newest album For Amusement Only and you'll also get the point. The latest album was released just last month via Comedy Central Records amid a jam-packed tour schedule. In between gigs, Vatterott was kind enough to stop by MStars News for a Last Laugh.
So, Nick Vatterott, who/what/where/when was the ...
MStars News: Last time you wore something you hated?
Nick Vatterott: I was working on a cruise ship that stopped in France. I bought some cool shirt at some chic French boutique in Cannes. In France, it totally went with the style of what everyone there was wearing. I tried wearing the shirt once I got back to America and felt like a huge douche. It had a bunch of unnecessary buckles and buttons that buttoned nothing. In Europe I looked super hip. In America, I looked like I was pretending to be some super hip guy from Europe. I haven't worn it since.
MS: Last person to see you naked?
NV: Do pigeons count?
MS: Last day job you had?
NV: Waiting tables at a deli in the Upper West Side. I did my first TV appearance about a month before, but still was making barely any money from comedy. On the restaurant application when it asked to talk about your last job I wrote –
Last place of employment: Late Night With Jimmy Fallon;
How long were you employed there: About 6 minutes. What did you do there: Pretty much goofed around the whole time;
What was your salary: Well, it was about $800 for 6 minutes, so, I guess I made about $8,0000 an hour.
MS: Last place you traveled to outside of the US?
NV: Edmonton, Canada. They have a place called Boston Pizza up there. I don't think they know Boston isn't really known for its pizza. Conversely, I wanna open up a place in the states called Edmonton Spaghetti!
MS: Last guilty pleasure you discovered
?
NV: Pinball. I mean I've always known about pinball, but it's become a real passion in the past year. I have a pinball app on my phone, so when I'm on the road I can find the closest pinball machine to me in the area. It's sort of like Tinder for nerds.
MS: Last piece of advice another comedian gave you?
NV:
Pat Dixon recently said don't ever walk on the stage angry; the moment you do, you've ruined your set. We were talking about those times when you hate an audience, or maybe people in general, it puts you in a bad mood and you walk on stage more mad than funny. If you hate an audience before you're set, there's almost no point in walking on stage. You can be angry about everything else in the world on stage, but once you get mad at the audience before even walking up there, it's sort of over before it begins.
MS: Last thing you regretted?
NV: Gas station omelette sandwich. True story. Still don't know what I was thinking.
MS: Last time you bombed on stage?
NV: I was working a weekend at a club; the club asked if I would do this late night Saturday show called The Nasty Show. I don't really do "nasty" comedy, so I thought it would be funny if I did my normal act, but with the nipple holes cut out of my shirt. It doesn't get nastier than that right? After getting nothing from the crowd for the first several minutes, I told the audience why my nipple holes were cut out. Still nothing. I did normal jokes – "nasty" jokes – I put another shirt on over my nippleless shirt, but it was too late; they had written me off. I guess that's what I get for trying to be as nasty as I want to be.
MS: Last time you lost your cool?
NV: I think the closest to losing my cool lately was when I was at Staples buying some stuff I needed for a show on the way to the airport. I was running a tad late, and was a little worried I was going to miss my flight. Staples had this weird line system where you had to stand about ten feet back from the counter before you were next. Right when it was finally my turn, some woman out of nowhere cut in front of me and said to the clerk, "I need a printer cartridge."
Now, even though I was in a hurry, and I was obviously in line, I thought I'd let her go ahead. It was too early and I was too tired for confrontation. The Staples employee said, "What sort of cartridge do you want?" Woman goes "Oh, is there more than one type of printer cartridge?" Now there is a SEA of printer cartridges behind the counter. This was now no longer a quick purchase, I didn't have time for the employee to explain computers to this person so I said, "I'm sorry, but I actually think I was next." The woman looked at me, got mad, rolled her eyes, then turned to the employee and said, "Ugh, PEOPLE!" as if I was the a$hole. I immediately blurted out, "I'm people? I'M PEOPLE? I'm not people, YOU'RE PEOPLE! You can't butt in front of me, then call ME 'PEOPLE'!" I felt like George Costanza, and I tell you what, it felt pretty good.
MS: Last piece of advice YOU gave someone?
NV: There's often this thing in the back of our minds as growing comedians, this thing we eventually want to be on stage, a type of comedian that we would like to be, a type of act that we eventually want to do, a certain style, a certain approach, a certain freedom, a certain version of ourselves... I think we often sort of place that happening "somewhere down the line". There's no point in not always approaching the stage the way you know your approach is eventually going to be.
You wanna eventually feel total freedom on stage? Feel it now. You want to try certain things on stage, talk about certain topics, be a certain version of yourself, what are you waiting for? Be it now. There's no point in not going up on stage every time and doing whatever you eventually want your act to be.
Is that too many double negatives? I sure don't think not.
MS: Last time you were the butt of the joke?
NV: Does the back half of a donkey costume count?
MS: Last time you got into a fight?
NV: When I was in high school I took Tae Kwon Do for a year. I dreamed of a day where I could use my arm locks and spinning-hooking heel kicks in a street brawl. In college it finally happened, three guys picked a fight with buddy of mine, so me and my roommate ran to help. After twelve months of twice a week Tae Kwon Do classes, what did I do? I put a guy in a headlock, turned to my roommate and said "Hit Him!" My buddy tried to punch him, but his fist deflected off the guy's forehead hitting me, giving me a black eye.
MS: Last time you wished you were someone else?
NV: The last time I wished I was someone else it came true! Here I am! Thanks, VOLTAR!
MS: Last thing you had to apologize for?
NV: Hacking into Sony's e-mails. Sorry dudes, I thought it would be funny.
MS: Last time you laughed really hard?
NV: I just watched Bill Burr's most recent special last week, that part where he's talking about the call and response at church and he sings something like, "I said what you said, when you said it, now I can go home to my toys!" I lost it; I instantly rewound that part and watched it like three times in a row. It still makes me laugh every time I think of it.
MS: Last time you felt uncomfortable?
NV: Conference calls. They're so awkward. I have audio vertigo. I don't know who is who, what we're talking about, and what people's reactions are to whatever I just said. And when you're the first person to call in on the conference call, it's so lonely, just sitting there by yourself, waiting for someone to talk to, on the phone with no one ... all while completely butt naked.
Find more of Nick at:
Official Site | Twitter | iTunes
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